Ain't Never Been Plugged

9. My Favorite Diseases
also Rocking the Boat, track 5

Lyrics by Mike Agranoff
To melody of "These Are A Few of My Favorite Things" by Richard Rodgers

Vocal and guitar: Mike Agranoff

Smallpox and chicken pox, chronic bronchitis,
Syphilis and typhus and encephalitis,
Sinuses ravaged with coughing and sneezes,
These are a few of my favorite diseases.

Pains that are minor and pains that are chronic.
Hangnails and herpes and plagues most bubonic.
Swine flu that renders you weak in the kneeses,
These are a few of my favorite diseases.

Bridge 1
When my bowels run And it comes from Montezuma's Curse,
I simply remember my favorite disease And that makes me feel…much worse.

Random Digression 1
Thin and wan and pale and wasted
The girl with emphysema goes walking
And when she passes, each breath she passes goes "Aaauuuuuggghhh!"

Random Digression 2
All my skin is falling off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be...

Cancer and hemorrhoids, tuberculosis
Yaws and malaria, multiple s'clerosis,
Chest pains that no simple remedy eases,
These are a few of my favorite diseases.

Gangrene and jaundice severe dermatitis
Ulcers and gallstones and appendicitis
Polio, whooping cough, colds, mumps, and measles,
These are a few of my favorite diseasles.

Bridge 2
When neuralgia brings nostalgia for those pains gone by,
I think of diseases I've yet to contract, And that makes me want…to die.